Stuff You Wouldn’t Know From Just Looking At Me

I forced myself to like bananas, but I can’t chew them on the left side of my mouth without gagging.

I was introduced to solipsism at a developmentally inappropriate age.

Generally I only covet other people’s travel and new socks.

As a substitute teacher, the only thing I ever taught was how to pronounce my name, using the schwa. Most students then thought my name was Mr. Schwa*. scurred

For eight years I taught reading and writing to juvenile sex offenders.

In high school I was voted most likely to be a millionaire; if you believe in validating student voices, I am willing to accept donations.

I knew what AARP stood for already in middle school.

Without any hesitation, I would take a free pill that had no side effects to automatically be able to: speak another language fluently, complete automotive repairs, or name trees and birds.


*For the record, it’s pronounced scur. As in, “Don’t be scur.”


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